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A Few Thoughts On The New Les Miserables Trailer (With Video)

1. Let’s be real, if Homeless Hugh Jackman knocked on my front door, I don’t know how eager I’d be to let him get knuckle-deep in my hummus (not a euphamism, shockingly), and I don’t even OWN anything of any value.

2. I don’t remember any whitewater rafting in the stage show, not including what was pouring out of my eyeholes.

3. Can someone please isolate Javert screaming “Jean Valjean!” with that horse whinny because *bring bring* Hello New Ringtone!

4. A very small part of me is almost happy Anne Hathaway is playing Fantine. In case she butchers it, you know she’ll be making her exit somewhere between minute :30-:40. (BTW they could put a mule in a wig and call her Fantine and it’s a guarantee I will still break down in tears by the time it hits “but the tigers come at night.”)

5. Amanda Seyfried is a living Geocities website. Seriously, that voice screams MIDI FILE.

6. Eponine is a little Hot Topicy but I’m guessing she will probably have the best voice (after my dear Boy From Oz) in the film.

7. How do horses get cast in movies? Like, do they even know what’s happening is fake? Or are they in revolution character on and OFF the set, Danny D Lewis style? I would hate to be around those horses at the craft services table.

8. Russell Crowe will be the source for 97 percent of my second-hand embarrassment throughout the movie.

9. The Runaway Cart was expertly cast, however.

10. ONE DAY MORE. FULL CHILLS. I remember what its like to feel again.

11. Gavroche’s wig will face some tough comeptition from Tommy Lee Jones’ wig in Lincoln at the Oscars next year.

12. Forget 1-11 Above: Even with all its flaws, this is my Titanic. I will probably see it hundreds of times in the theaters and not give a shit what anyone thinks. (But seeeeriouslyeeeee dontjudgeme.)

The Real Question: What am I going to wear to the midnight showing of this on Christmas Eve? Honestly, I would look amazing as either Mme. Thernardier or “Busty Marius” (who is in my vocal range sweet spot.) I’m open to your thoughts.

Love,
Les Micherables

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